I Talk To Myself

Happiness is one of the most sought after feelings. It seems to be the one thing in life everyone wants, but no one seems to really have.  So what is it and how can you cultivate it in your life? First, happiness is more of a state of mind and way of being rather than just a feeling.  Many try and cultivate this precious feeling by filling their life with material things.  These material things only bring joy for a short time and when the feeling wears off then you are right back to where you began.  While others try to create the perfect life and post it for the world to see and admire.  This fabrication of a perfect life often backfires creating more unhappiness.  But there are things you can do in your life right now that will help you create happiness within yourself.  Finding your passion and joy is one of the easiest and fastest ways to sow happiness into your everyday life.  Even the act of just smiling can begin to change the vibr...

The decisions you make each day are either based on fear or love.  Think about your day, you make choices and decisions in each moment on how to react and respond to the world around you.  Would you say that you make your choices with love or do you make them out of fear.  It is cold outside, do you put on a hat and coat because you love your body and want to make sure it is comfortable or because you are afraid of being cold or getting sick or not wear one at all because you don't want to look silly.  You go to college because you love school and love the field you are going into or because your afraid if you don't you will be shunned by your family or afraid you won't be able to support yourself in life or because everyone else is so you don't want to look like a fool.  You make negative judgments about others out of fear of not being good enough yourself.  Choosing love is not the easiest choice, fear is way easier to side with because it makes you feel ...

Your thoughts and emotions send out a vibration frequency which then attracts what you see in your world.  When you want to make a difference in your life or the lives of others, you cannot do it with the frequency of hate, lack or judgement.  You can't hate yourself health, or judge someone into a better life.  You can't feel that there is just not enough to go around.  You can't dislike yourself enough to make a long lasting change, or build a wall of fear and expect it to keep you safe. Love matters.  It is a vibration that can transform.  It shows up with out judgement, it accepts not only what is seen but what is unseen, it shows an arena perspective on all things.  It gives understanding and peace.  It washes over you taking away fear and leaving hope.  It changes water molecules, as well as the cells in your body. The next time you catch your thoughts in a cycle of hate, fear, lack or judgement, try sitting back and filling that sp...

No matter where you are in life the universe has your back.  In fact, the universe has always given you exactly what you wanted and what you expect.  Have you ever noticed that when you want to learn something, the opportunities that come forth are endless.  Or perhaps you feel that the world is against you, that nothing ever goes your way then you may see endless obstacles and challenges.  We are pure energy underneath this fleshy body and the energy we put out into the world, i.e. thoughts and feelings, is what we will receive back into our life. So if your thoughts or old beliefs tell you that you are lacking, there is never going to be enough, that you are a failure, or will never find love, or that you're not good enough, the universe will continually show you that you are right in those beliefs.  In other words, you will get exactly what you believe.  People will let you down, you will continually spend money making sure that you never have enoug...

This life lesson is learned at an early age, yet forgotten over and over again throughout a life time.  There is no forever in this realm of form.  Your place on this earth is temporary.  Your current life situation is temporary.  Your material items are temporary.  Your feelings, whether happy or sad, angry or elated, are all temporary.  Yet we tend to obsess as if they all last forever.  Then if that is not enough, we panic because we remember that it won't.  Children grow up, beautiful relationships crumble or move on and your physical body eventually deteriorates. For me, this life lesson is getting easier to remember and helps me live in the present moment.  Each moment is a gift.  Something to be grateful for, no matter the judgement at the time. If we live with the knowing that everything is temporary, perhaps we slow time during moments of joy to receive all that is meant for us in that moment, and let go of the emotional ho...

When life hands you fear, look it over carefully.  Sometimes you have to just ask yourself, "Why am I afraid?" or "What am I really afraid of?"  The answers to those questions alone will give you a lot of insight.  In the moment of fear, it may be hard to ask those questions.  Try not to react but instead just listen, sometimes that is all you need for your fear to reveal its true cause. Where in your life do you freeze up, unable to speak or move?  This is my challenge for this morning.  Looking back on your life, where were the times where you froze?  I can think of one glaring memory of the time when I was in choir and I had a solo, why on earth I tried out for that I am not even sure, but I did and got a part.  When it came time to sing on stage, I froze unable to make a sound, all the words left me.  I was able to recover part way through, but man it sucked.  That little failure didn't stop me from trying out for plays, which I ...

A brand new year.   What is it about the number changing on the calendar that makes one want change themselves, when it is available to do at any time?   At the end of a year, I like to look back and see all the good that happened, I also like to find areas I want to improve upon. I really did have a good year despite my health problems and lack of enthusiasm for my job.   I was able to travel to a new county, go camping with my family and try new art forms.   I improved my website and listed things to sell and started this blog.   New opportunities showed up throughout the year and I went for them and feel good that I did, even though none of them worked out.   I even finished my unfinished projects that I had intended to finish when 2018 first began.   I have many intentions for the upcoming year.   I want to publish my book, my health is always on the list of things to improve (I am actually kind of sick of this one having to b...

I am finished!  It is funny how the one thing that holds you back from finishing something is often the easiest thing to do.  For my doll project, it was the hair, particularly the boy hair.  I knew I didn't what to tie the hair like I did for the girls, that meant I had to learn something new, which in my mind would be hard.  As it turned out, it was the easiest part of the entire project. I am grateful I was able to finish these projects that have been weighing on me since 2010!  8 years I have held onto these unfinished dolls, bibs and potluck holders.  That is a long time to hold onto anything weighing on you.  My bibs have been given away, potluck holders gifted and now my dolls will go to a new home today at a home daycare center.  I know they will be loved and played, just the way I intended for them when I first started to create them. Now on to my many books in my head all the art work that comes with them.  I hope this has inspi...

I have made some progress on my unfinished projects.  I was able to finish the rest of the bibs that I had, as well as get all of the bibs out of storage that I have made over the years and get them out of my house.  I gave a few to a friend who knows someone that is having a baby and I gave the rest, a whole bag full, to our local women's shelter. My next project was my potluck holders.  I had no takers on these, so I finished them up and decided to fill them with cookies and give them away to friends. Still have yet to work on those dolls.  I hope I get the energy to actually finish them by the end of the year.  Seriously, they only need hair and faces, you'd think I could just jump right on those and get them done, but I just don't know what to do with them when they're finished.

My intention is a good one, but my mind says otherwise.  I recently went to see my doctor.  It was a visit I had planned awhile back just to check in, and I almost cancelled it because I was/ am feeling quite well.  For those just getting to know me, I deal with autoimmune issues and some days/ months I feel great and others not so much.  I have tried exercise, managing stress, yoga, meditation, supplements and changing my diet and all have helped in some minor way.  It is like I am in a million pieces and I cant seem to figure out how to put me back together. But here's the catch 22.  When I am feeling like crap and my body feels like it is going to quit, my blood work is normal and there is nothing found, and then when I am feeling great like I am today, my blood work says otherwise. Low iron, low vitamin D, and to top it all off my liver enzymes are high.  It is just frustrating when you are doing all the "right" things and feel "good" to hav...

I thought it would be interesting to document my process of finishing my unfinished projects.  I actually have several unfinished projects and like I said in the last post, I have gone through them once before.  Getting rid of things that no longer brought me joy or didn't like to begin with, and kept the ones I really liked and did want eventually finish.  I did finish some of those projects and it felt great, but then I lost steam and left others still unfinished.  So I went and looked at what I still have left to finish.  Not too much and I really have no excuses as I just have my sewing machine serviced and everything is super easy to do, just a matter of sitting down and doing it. One project that I have left are 6 rag dolls that just need hair and faces.  I had started them with the intent of using them as multi cultural dolls for the day care I worked for at the time.  That was over 5 years ago, and now I work as a children's librarian....

Why am I choosing to not finish my children's book?  It is a question that I keep asking myself.  I have what I need, all I have to do is finish three flower pictures and a few more butterfly pictures.  I wish I understood what was blocking me from completing it.  I guess because I don't think the pictures will be good enough.  I really don't have any excuses to not finish.  Wayne Dyer always said, "Don't die with your music still in you."  You have to use your gift and give it to the world but fear stops so many of us from ever playing with what the universe has gifted us. That is what life is about isn't it?  All about play.  I enjoy word play and I enjoy art play.  So why is it so difficult to just let it happen?  What old belief am I holding in my mind and body?  I did work really hard on the first 14 pages.  The above picture of the Tiger Lily that I still need to perfect are going to fill an entire page with h...

Gratitude, a way of giving thanks and appreciating all that you have currently and all that is coming into your life.  It is the easiest and highest forms of prayer.  I started incorporating gratitude into my everyday life 10 years ago and it changed my life.  I was not necessarily a super positive person, in fact I had always found everything difficult or challenging, but when it came to others I was always good at giving pep talks to others or lifting their spirits. So I started simply.  I started posting my gratitude list on Facebook 10 years ago.  I would also invite others to post theirs. So how did posting my gratitude list change my life? On good days it was easy to come up with what I was grateful for, it was the bad days, the days that everything went wrong or I didn't feel well were the challenging ones.  They were also the ones that changed how I saw my life.  Coming up with something to appreciate on a day when you have every right to f...

In my dream last night, the doctor told me my problem was uncertainty.  It amuses me when the universe gives me clues to my journey while I am sleeping. I have never had a problem with uncertainty before, I have always just known what was to be and believed that knowing with all my heart.  My life followed those knowings to a tee, not wavering from the path that I had set forth.  Why is it that now I am uncertain about my life?  It is because I am uncertain with who I am, and what I want.  How was it so easy to have faith in the process when I was young? It is as if I have no idea where my life is going now.  Should I know?  Should I be demanding to know what's next?  How can I embrace this realm of unknowings? Blind trust.  I have always needed to know what's next.  Not knowing what's next has always given me anxiety or fear in some way, shape or form. There has been a bit of unease within me not knowing how, what or where to go n...

Everything in life is a process.  Learning to ride a bike, art, swimming, healing, health etc.  It all takes time, with layers upon layers of learning, failing, relearning, changing, failing again, getting up and trying yet another time.  At times we want to give up on the process of life.  You might feel like you just can't get up one more time and try again.  After all of the failures, all of the trying times, you just feel done, like you have nothing left to give.  And honestly, you have every right to feel that way.  Sometimes during life's trials and tribulations, you just have to hit rock bottom so that you know that there is solid ground underneath. Then and only then, can one begin the climb back up and out of the darkness to try again with more strength and determination then you ever thought possible. I never thought of myself as an artist, and parts of me still do not feel that way.  As a young child I always enjoyed creating and pa...

I am currently reading this book, Manifesting Your Greatest Self by Nick Ortner.   I have been working on my greatest self my whole life.   It first started when I was young and had major social anxiety.   I worked hard to over come talking to others, speaking in front of class and being able to talk with those I saw as authority figures without crying.   Then I worked on my depression later in life, which prompted me to work on past hurts and regrets and all of the emotional baggage that comes with growing up and living life.   I learned about tapping 7 years ago and have used it on and off for a variety of things.   You’d think that after all of the self help books and seminars I would already be my greatest self, and yet I still have a long way to go.   While reading chapter six of this book, I realized how far I have come, and how very far I still have to go.   Tapping makes you honest.   It forces you to speak the truth in your m...