40 and I still don't know who I am

I just turned 40 this past August and I still have no idea who I am.  When I was younger I never gave it much thought, I just did what I thought I was suppose to do in life.  Go to school, get good grades, be nice, graduate from college, get a job, get married, pay bills, have kids.  I have done it all and yet I am just now discovering what I really like, what I really want and who I really am.

Who am I?  I am human, that much I am mostly sure of.  I come with flaws and burning potential.  But who am I really?  My ego tells me I am a female, I am tall, okay looking, comfortable sense of style, smart, can be funny even if it is only me laughing at my own jokes, and I am a wife, daughter, sister, friend etc.  But seriously who am I?  I have been looking for a long time.  So very long that I think I might give up all together.

Science tells me I am made of matter and energy.  The same energy that is found in all things.  Spiritually speaking we are all one.  All creators of this vast reality we call life.  If this is the life that I have created, I have also created those whom are reading this and those that pass over never to open it or see it.  Yet at the same time you, yourself, are creating your perspective of life, reading this because you brought it into existence.  If this reality is our doing, then we can shift our perspective to anything we desire.  Change the channel to something more exciting, yet many, including myself, stay stuck on the same channel watching the same commercials, and wondering which drug the pharmaceutical companies are offering will help us change our reality.  I don't have the answers, perhaps I never will.  I know that I continually look for that damn remote to change the channel, instead of just getting up and doing it myself. 

I have tried many strategies to manifest what I want in life from all the best gurus out there.  And they all work! Just not very well for me.  Meditation, thinking positive, gratitude, affirmations, etc.  I cant seem to figure out my personal recipe for what I want and I think that is because I don't know who I really am or what I truly want out of this one crazy life.  I just keep trying everything there is to try and creating whatever comes to mind.  Who Am I? The world may never know...

Thank you for reading my ramblings.

Peace, Love and Gratitude
CarrieAnne



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