Because in the end you have always been enough

Feeling tired and overwhelmed by everything at the moment.  There is so much I want to do, and yet I can't seem to focus on any one thing to get it done. My mind is running at a super fast pace with all thoughts leading to I am not good enough.  I feel like a failure most days and I suppose that is how it is suppose to be, so that you can get up and try again only this time working to make it better. 

But some days that is hard, I can't even imagine my way out and I end up here in a dark space with nothing but my thoughts bombarding me with everything I am failing at...  "I haven't been a good enough daughter, sister, aunt or friend.  I haven't been a good enough wife or mother.  I haven't been a good enough employee or person in general.  I haven't been good enough to myself or my body.  I am not a good enough artist or writer.  I let everyone down."  I begin to think and wonder if those who have succeeded in their life feel this way or have ever felt this way at all. Then the loneliness begins to deepen, and walls begin to form. 

I use to spiral out of control with these thoughts and it would take me days to recover.  I do realize now that my thoughts are not as true as they appear.  I am doing the best I can and everyday I become a better version of myself and that is all I can offer the world on any given day.  I honestly don't even know what it means to be a good enough anything because what it looks like to one person is probably completely different for another.  I think, in the end, you are good enough always because you are you and becoming your best self each day.  Giving what you have from your heart.  I am sure there are many things I could be better at but there is no use for my chaotic circling thoughts to roam free without restriction. 

Now when I have days like this, I write or tap or take a walk, a long hot shower or read a book.  I let the thoughts pass through and feel what is behind them then let them disappear as quickly as they showed up. It is easier than it use to be to let them go with out inviting them to stay for dinner to explain and remind me of everything that I am not.  But still those thoughts come.  Yet I am grateful for all the ways I have learned to observe and re-purpose thoughts like those mentioned above. Those thoughts remind me that I am still learning about myself, they allow me to question my beliefs and values, to change my idea of what makes me the best version of myself that I can be.  They teach me to take care of myself and be an observer of the words I choose to use with myself and others. I know now that the thoughts in my head are not really mine but were giving to me, and it is up to me to let them go. 

Yes there are days when perhaps I am not at my best, when I cannot fathom giving all that I have within me because I do not feel well enough to give.  Those are the days I retreat, I stay silent and I listen and look for all the ways love silently enters my life without asking for anything in return.

Thanks for read my mind rambles. The world is a better place because you're in it.

Peace, Love and Gratitude

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